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I have an idea that it is possible to forgive someone, and choose not to hang out with them again without it being a stressful choice. It takes great strength to do forgiveness work. Because sometimes we want to hang out with them again, we want to believe that they will change because we have forgiven.
“We don’t have to forgive the behavior, we only need to forgive the person.”
In other words, we do not condone the behavior. We do not let others walk all over us… We release the hardness in our own heart so that we can keep on unfolding our Spiritual Nature…
Maybe this list of what forgiveness is not, may be helpful:
· Forgiveness is not condoning unkindness
· Forgiveness is not forgetting that something painful happened.
(Remember the time Prince Harry wore a Nazi uniform fancy dress, it’s probably useful for him to remember that.)
· Forgiveness is not excusing poor behavior
· Forgiveness does not have to be an otherworldly or religious experience
· Forgiveness is not denying or minimizing your hurt
· Forgiveness does not mean reconciling with the offender
· Forgiveness does not mean you give up having feelings.
What is forgiveness?
· It is a state of freedom (Think of an Unchained Heart)
· It is relieving yourself of the burden of the past
· It is embracing the prospect of being a whole person again
· It is giving the person you forgive (even yourself) the freedom to live in peace and the chance to also be a whole person again.
An obstacle to doing forgiveness work, can be the desire for revenge…setting it right or the hope that at least you be getting remorse from them. (Sometimes this is physically impossible when the person has passed on. Or when the person being forgiven is you. Or when the grudge being held is against the Creator.) Revenge is not always possible
My suggestion…Forget revenge, getting even or payback. It is something for which the bill is always more than we hoped to pay.