How possible is it to forget anything? I forget where I've put my keys
sometimes. It drives me crazy that when I find them I can usually remember how it
came to pass that they are where they are. I tried explaining that it is a
product of getting older, but friends remind me that it has always been like
that for me. I can forget something I did a moment ago especially if I'm
distracted by something more interesting or if I'm not paying strong attention
to the soon-to-be-forgotten something. But to really forgive and forget, now
that seems to have many similarities to losing my keys and finding them again.
I have talked to many people in my career about the journey of forgiveness,
what it is and what it isn't. Over the years I have come to the conclusion that
there is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to how to really forgive. There is
also no set time line for how long it should take you to accomplish the
journey. Just like mourning: it's done when it's done and it's pointless trying
to speed it up, maybe even harmful to try. In that regard, forgiving is similar
to trying to find your keys, it's going to take as long as it takes.
If you really want to forgive.
There is a big difference between "Letting something go" and
"Letting something be." A friend jokingly pointed out that when he
has lost his keys, the harder he tries to find them the more
they stay lost. He
reports that it is usually when he stops looking and lets it be that he ends up
finding the keys again. If you really want to forgive, you're probably like
most people in that you'll do better at it with support. You'll do well if you
have a trusted friend or professional who can listen to you. Letting things be
is much easier to accomplish when you and I have had someone listen to us. In
my opinion, it's best for me to share my trouble with someone who isn't so
close that their love for me gets in the way of their objectivity. In this
regard, forgiveness work is similar to finding your lost keys, because forcing
the matter will make you feel more frustrated, not less.
If you really want to forget.
If you really want to forget you're going to have to give yourself something
more interesting and more satisfying than whatever happened. This will be
easier to accomplish once you understand that difference between letting
something be and letting something go. You're not expected to pretend that
nothing happened. No, just the opposite, you're fully aware of what happened
(you lost a part of you) and you're going to give yourself to something more
interesting anyway (because you know that lost part still exists.)
You're going to turn your attention in a more constructive and more powerful
direction. Have you heard the phrase, "I forgot myself in it...?" It
describes those moments when a person is so wrapped up in a project that they
forget time and space and friends and family. It may take a little research and
determination to identify something that you can forget yourself in, but if you
are successful, you'll be adding one more healthy step towards letting things
be. When you do have engaging, creative or interesting activities, you will
experience moments of forgetfulness of what happened. This is not the same as
denial. Like finding your keys, when your mind touches on the memory of what
happened, you will likely remember all the details.
How possible is it to really forgive and forget depends on how you define
forgive and forget. If your expectations are unrealistic, you may find it
difficult to do either. If you treat yourself respectfully and go about the
process mindfully, you may very well have an experience of both forgetfulness
and forgiveness.
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Edward Viljoen is co-author (with Chris Michaels) of
Spirit is Calling, The Prosperous Life Journal, and Practice the Presence, interactive
journals available from Stepping Stones Bookstore. He is co-author (with
Joyce Duffala) of Seeing Good At Work also available at http://steppingstonesbookstore.org/index.cgi/kw=viljoen
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Edward_Viljoen
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Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6092437
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